I hate it when…

… goofy tries to make puppies with my arm. Totally gross and so ew… Goofy + my arm =  goofarm!

Eww… Sweet innocent goofy is all grown up now.

                     

Not so innocent anymore. More like a horny hot dog! Haha.

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Dreams… Again

I was watching this American Idol- Giving It Back episode just now. The show was touching throughout. Its about raising funds for the kids in America and Africa. But the most intruguing part, there was a quote in the show.

Every 3 seconds, a child dies of extreme poverty. Every 30 seconds, a child is orphaned by AIDS

It really saddens me. And it really makes me reflect back on the life that I had. I am so much better off than a lot of people in the world.

If I get the change, one day I want to go to Africa and help out. Take pictures with them and shoot video clips like them celebrities. Then show the whole world what a good person I am.

Hah! Seriously, I want to make a difference. Change things a lil’ bit.

One Day Blog Silent.

Silence can say more than a thousand words.
 
This day shall unite us all about this unbelievable painful & shocking event and show some respect and love to those who lost their loved ones.
 
On April 30th 2007, I will not post any blog, in honor of the victims at Virginia Tech.  More then 30 died at the US college massacre.
 
But it´s not only about them. Many bloggers have responded and asked about all the other victims of our world. All the people who die every day. What about them?
 
This day can be a symbol of support to all the victims of our world!
 
Just respect, reflect and empathy.

  Spread the word about this event

Day 2…

… of sem break and I can’t stand it already. Gosh, things are getting boring around here. I thought I’ve planned it all. Going to be as lazy as I can. I was really tired and fed up of working so hard. But I didn’t know that being lazy is a hard work too. This is unpredicted and out of the plan. Anyhow, my plans never work.

Ah.. I just love it when goofy comes and sits by my side when I cry (feign cry). Dog is men’s best friend. He just sits there and stare into my eyes with his oh-so-innocent eyes.

I’m really annoyed when dad and mum plays the karaoke. The singing, the sound, the amplitude, the frequency of their voice is enough get me my migraine. As if that is not bad enough, they like to pump up the volume to most maximum. And make sures that everyone hears the lousy screeching. Grrr…

Me Against Myself

This night is certainly a night that I must write down. Who would have thought that a 16 year old gave me a whole new impression of God. A whole new perspective and a whole new inspiration. Its really not hard to understand why I rejected God in my world. I’ve spoke to some people who strongly believe in their religion but never have they managed to tell me the answers to all my questions. They themselves, became puzzled and confused after a long discussion interrogation. I felt that they can’t tell me what God is. I have much questions and queries unsolved.

  1. Why did God had to punish human when human is God’s flesh and blood? Even parents would not bare to watch their chile to suffer let alone suffer for eternity.
  2. Why is God so cruel? Why eternity? Why is God not forgiving them when He is supposed to be all forgiving and loving?
  3. Why did God tempt Adam and Eve with the forbidden fruit?
  4. If God is all knowing, why did God still put the tree near where Adam and Eve was if he knew that they will be tempted?
  5. Is is fair for God to punish Adam and Eve for doing things that God knew but didn’t prevent?
  6. Why is God not revealing himself and making sure that people believe in him since believers of God is fading?
  7. Why will God allow only Christians to go into heaven when the world ends?
  8. Is it fair for God to do that? He knows that some people do not believe in Him but didn’t reveal his trueself to make people believe in Him, thus saving them from eternal suffering in hell.
  9. If everything is created by God, why did He created Satan? Our freewill gave us enough trouble already.
  10. Why small infants and little children are not given the change to experience life? Why is it that they deserve to be in heaven first than the rest?
  11. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

So many question left unanswered. Puzzles unsolved. I can’t help but wonder if the bible was a conspiracy by a secret association that have different motives. I can’t help but wonder why must God a He and not a She?

Friends have told me their personal experiences with God in the hope that I will be able to open my mind even a little bit to embrace the existance of God. I felt and thought that all of the stories are due to over-wanting to believe in something mightier than humans. Something so powerful, the answer to all the unanswered questions.

Over-wanting. Fanatics. Over indulgence. Wanting to believe. Thats what I thought. I thought that some over-wanted to believe in God, they relate incident that happens to God even if its illogical. I believe the somehow convinced themself.

But tonight, this 16 year old shared a long discussion with me that gave me goosebumps in the middle of the discussion. He shared with me his view, different and unshattered by my interrogations. So strong was his stand. At some point, I was speechless. Things he said opened my mind. Not much but at least a little.

You must learn to pray. Pray wholeheartedly for what you really wanted and believe. Don’t force, just slowly learn to accept it. I didn’t believe in God too ever since small. I don’t want to bow down to anyone. But this incident made me belive that God exist and it was last year that I started to believe. Sometimes what you pray for won’t come true, but it will in the future.

And he said so many more things that made me ponder. The most important thing is the goosebumps and flip flop my stomach made tonight. 

I believe that everybody experience different things that make  them belive in God. This might be it.

This might be my sign. My sign from  the one from up above. And I’m excited. He finally hears me. My whinnings.

And tonight before I go to sleep, I’m going to pray. Not praying for straight As in exams, wealth, health or that someone will notice me.

I’m going to pray to Him to let me get more signs

          

Any signs!

 


I’ve never prayed before and never taught how. I’m gonna do it my way.

Embracing the holiday…

… mood! Never felt so relieved that exam is over. Not long from now, I’ll be in my degree year. Closing this chapter and writing a new chapter in my life. It won’t be an easy year, I know it, but hopefully it won’t be too hard.

Ahh… Last paper was the Physics paper on Wednesday and I think I did pretty ok.I knew that the questions won’t be so hard. Wasted lots of time studying. Big Smile Should have concentrate more on Desperate Housewife.

Went to the oh-so-famous pasar malam at Connaught that night. Nothing much to browse, went there like every week and no new stall, chau taufu as smelly as ever. Beggars lying around on the floor, seeking for sympathy to continue life. I believe that these beggars is a part of a group/association because they never fail to appear at the pasar malam. The same face all year round.

This one particular lady caught my attention that night. She’s around the 40s, I think. She’s new in this begging group, as I’ve never seen here before. But anyway, she comes to ‘work’ with her son around 9-12 years old. This lady, she is perfectly un-disable. She is perfectly normal. But…

She chose to beg. I really think that she is throwing her life away and dragging her perfectly normal son with her! It enrage me when she could find other jobs but chose to beg. I don’t get and never will get what is in her mind. Even dish washing would be better than this. 

I pity the kid more. He doesn’t even understand what’s going on, probably thinking that life is what it is. The mother should know better. She should know better…

P.S I love you…

I am a person who could not and can not hold on to anything for long. I am always excited by new things, new ideas, new concept, new gadgets, new people, new environment, new ANYTHING. I have short attention span. I was so addicted to my iPod last time and that only lasted for nearly 6/7 months.

The same goes to the people category. The longest friendship I think is with Vinie, about 5/6 years since form 1? Some say that I take things for granted, I have everything I want and never have to work for it. I refuse to believe it, I believe that I am a better person.

I realise now that I might be that bad a person. Last night was the hardest night I have to go through. I know now what it feels like to have your heart stabbed over and over again on the same spot. But this pain that I have, can never be compared to yours.

I don’t know why I treated you so badly, of all the people. I know what you think of me. Cold hearted, worthless animal with no feeling. I don’t blame you. I actually wanted to let you see me like that. Just so to hurt you more when you see my emotionless and lifeless face when you scolded me. Again, I don’t know why I treated you badly.

But beyond that rock solid cold hearted beast of me, I was trying so hard to not cry. The colder I am, the easier it is to stop the tears.

I am never a good speaker. I’m better with written words, so here I am, apologising to you. I am so sorry. Truly sorry. I promised you to not break your heart again. I will try to keep this promise.

We’ve shared so many happy moments together. Just being together itself is meaningful. This 2 years of ups and downs means a lot to me. I grew so much and learnt many things that I will probably never forget. I know I go beyond the line everytime we have disagreement. I thank you for being so tolerant with me. I don’t know why I’m such a bad-ass with you.

What I’m trying to say is that, even though we fight sometimes but it doesn’t mean that  I don’t love you anymore, because I do. I’m just a bitch that is always up for a fight. I’m a sore loser when you point out my faults. I’m sorry.

I can’t take back the things I’ve said and done. I’ve caused a lot of damage. Hopefully, its the last one.