P.S I love you…

I am a person who could not and can not hold on to anything for long. I am always excited by new things, new ideas, new concept, new gadgets, new people, new environment, new ANYTHING. I have short attention span. I was so addicted to my iPod last time and that only lasted for nearly 6/7 months.

The same goes to the people category. The longest friendship I think is with Vinie, about 5/6 years since form 1? Some say that I take things for granted, I have everything I want and never have to work for it. I refuse to believe it, I believe that I am a better person.

I realise now that I might be that bad a person. Last night was the hardest night I have to go through. I know now what it feels like to have your heart stabbed over and over again on the same spot. But this pain that I have, can never be compared to yours.

I don’t know why I treated you so badly, of all the people. I know what you think of me. Cold hearted, worthless animal with no feeling. I don’t blame you. I actually wanted to let you see me like that. Just so to hurt you more when you see my emotionless and lifeless face when you scolded me. Again, I don’t know why I treated you badly.

But beyond that rock solid cold hearted beast of me, I was trying so hard to not cry. The colder I am, the easier it is to stop the tears.

I am never a good speaker. I’m better with written words, so here I am, apologising to you. I am so sorry. Truly sorry. I promised you to not break your heart again. I will try to keep this promise.

We’ve shared so many happy moments together. Just being together itself is meaningful. This 2 years of ups and downs means a lot to me. I grew so much and learnt many things that I will probably never forget. I know I go beyond the line everytime we have disagreement. I thank you for being so tolerant with me. I don’t know why I’m such a bad-ass with you.

What I’m trying to say is that, even though we fight sometimes but it doesn’t mean that  I don’t love you anymore, because I do. I’m just a bitch that is always up for a fight. I’m a sore loser when you point out my faults. I’m sorry.

I can’t take back the things I’ve said and done. I’ve caused a lot of damage. Hopefully, its the last one.


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