Me Against Myself

This night is certainly a night that I must write down. Who would have thought that a 16 year old gave me a whole new impression of God. A whole new perspective and a whole new inspiration. Its really not hard to understand why I rejected God in my world. I’ve spoke to some people who strongly believe in their religion but never have they managed to tell me the answers to all my questions. They themselves, became puzzled and confused after a long discussion interrogation. I felt that they can’t tell me what God is. I have much questions and queries unsolved.

  1. Why did God had to punish human when human is God’s flesh and blood? Even parents would not bare to watch their chile to suffer let alone suffer for eternity.
  2. Why is God so cruel? Why eternity? Why is God not forgiving them when He is supposed to be all forgiving and loving?
  3. Why did God tempt Adam and Eve with the forbidden fruit?
  4. If God is all knowing, why did God still put the tree near where Adam and Eve was if he knew that they will be tempted?
  5. Is is fair for God to punish Adam and Eve for doing things that God knew but didn’t prevent?
  6. Why is God not revealing himself and making sure that people believe in him since believers of God is fading?
  7. Why will God allow only Christians to go into heaven when the world ends?
  8. Is it fair for God to do that? He knows that some people do not believe in Him but didn’t reveal his trueself to make people believe in Him, thus saving them from eternal suffering in hell.
  9. If everything is created by God, why did He created Satan? Our freewill gave us enough trouble already.
  10. Why small infants and little children are not given the change to experience life? Why is it that they deserve to be in heaven first than the rest?
  11. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?

So many question left unanswered. Puzzles unsolved. I can’t help but wonder if the bible was a conspiracy by a secret association that have different motives. I can’t help but wonder why must God a He and not a She?

Friends have told me their personal experiences with God in the hope that I will be able to open my mind even a little bit to embrace the existance of God. I felt and thought that all of the stories are due to over-wanting to believe in something mightier than humans. Something so powerful, the answer to all the unanswered questions.

Over-wanting. Fanatics. Over indulgence. Wanting to believe. Thats what I thought. I thought that some over-wanted to believe in God, they relate incident that happens to God even if its illogical. I believe the somehow convinced themself.

But tonight, this 16 year old shared a long discussion with me that gave me goosebumps in the middle of the discussion. He shared with me his view, different and unshattered by my interrogations. So strong was his stand. At some point, I was speechless. Things he said opened my mind. Not much but at least a little.

You must learn to pray. Pray wholeheartedly for what you really wanted and believe. Don’t force, just slowly learn to accept it. I didn’t believe in God too ever since small. I don’t want to bow down to anyone. But this incident made me belive that God exist and it was last year that I started to believe. Sometimes what you pray for won’t come true, but it will in the future.

And he said so many more things that made me ponder. The most important thing is the goosebumps and flip flop my stomach made tonight. 

I believe that everybody experience different things that make  them belive in God. This might be it.

This might be my sign. My sign from  the one from up above. And I’m excited. He finally hears me. My whinnings.

And tonight before I go to sleep, I’m going to pray. Not praying for straight As in exams, wealth, health or that someone will notice me.

I’m going to pray to Him to let me get more signs


Any signs!


I’ve never prayed before and never taught how. I’m gonna do it my way.


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