Stubic

Alert! A very long post.

The last time I was really productive was during the SPM examination period.

During that time, I have very hardworking classmates. They were so hardworking that I felt ashamed reading the newspaper in classroom. That is the effect they had on me :0

And thus, I pretended to study when I was actually day dreaming. That, pretending-I am-very busy-because-I-am-very-hardworking, lead me to actually studying. Gosh, you won’t believe how long I spent preparing to face SPM. Three months! The exam period itself was about one months. That is a total of four months.

Four months spent locked up in room, airconditioner switched to 25 degree Celcius from 2.30 p.m – 6 p.m and memorizing facts I know won’t be useful after the exam.

Seriously, that four months was hell for me. I couldn’t do anything else except studying without feeling guilty. Couldn’t rest or relax, couldn’t watch tv, couldn’t anything!

Up till today, I have a fear of studying. I get all panicky and anxious when exam is around the corner.

Sometime last year, I had a stupid. In the dream, I was supposed to be sitting for Pendidikan Moral exam in two hours’ time. I know that I’ve finished high school but for some unknown reason I still have to sit for the exam. Thing is, I forgot all my 21 moral values. Is it 21? Or 20? I don’t know, who cares!! And so I sit there, staring at the question paper and started rambling about kepercayaan kepada Tuhan. Every answer to every question was about kepercayaan kepada Tuhan. Haha, that’s the only nilai moral I remember. The first ones always gives the most impression.

I guess my point is… I need help! Serious counselling and a doraemon.

This semester will be challenging. I’m not sure I am ready for third year subjects. Everyone else seems to be at a fast pace, so sure, so confident and so well prepared. Me on the other hand, the total opposite. I seem to be lagging behind, barely able to grasp, to understand what’s happening around me.

“I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. Like I’m moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast”

I am study-phobic. Studyobic. Or stuhobic. Stobic. Geez, I am just stubic.

I need help! Serious counselling and a doraemon.

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