A summary of some of the things that happened since I last log in

If you search for tenderness, it isn’t hard to find. You can have the love you need to live. But if you look for truthfulness, you might just as well be blind. It always seems to be so hard to give. Honesty is such a lonely word, everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard.

I can always find someone to say they sympathize if I wear my heart out on my sleeve. But I don’t want some pretty face to tell me pretty lies. All I want is someone to believe.

-Billy Joel from Honesty



I find it hard to put my trust people. I’ve seen friends backstabbing each other many times and I am scared. There are only a few people who I am close with. Fewer friends who I can trust. Mostly because I find it hard to trust/believe in people.

I believe that once trust is broken, it can never be replaced. It can be gained, but it won’t happen overnight. It takes months, maybe years.


I do not know why I can feel and act the total opposite and its driving me crazy.


These days I have trouble concentrating on one thing. My mind goes blank and I zone out. It is scary.


Sometimes, my fingers and toes feel numb, with tingling sensation. It happens quite often and I suspect that I will drop dead from stroke one of these days.


I do not find joy doing things that I once loved.


I am feeling tired, unhappy and shamed. All at once. This is not my day…


It is done! Finally done! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE!




I am so so happy, it is obvious from the amount of done’s and the size of it… Been working throughout the night til early morning for the past month, and going to work feeling practically like a zombie. I cannot wait to sleep more! I am 100% convinced that I’ve gotten a wrinkle or two due to the over-hardworking-ness. Totally convinced.

I know my supervisor has got a lot to check and correct. The book is T-H-I-C-K! Seriously didn’t know it was so long since my work was actually very little. I crap and beat ’round the bush too much. Damn. Although quality is better than quantity, I feel pretty good holding such a thick book. Gahahaha, I’m a cheater!