They visited him over the weekend. Mum supposedly told him about my graduation day which happened last weekend. It took me by surprise that he remembered about this. What’s more surprising was the fact that he wanted to go. From what I was told by mum, he sounded quite disappointed that he missed the event. It made me guilty. The thought of taking him to the ceremony never crossed my mind. Nevertheless, he gave me ang pau money, which made me feel guiltier.
Fact is, we were never close, him and me. That is why I didn’t think of him or thought of bringing him to the ceremony. Normally I’d brush this off from my mind with an, ‘Oh well, what done is done’ attitude.
And as the conversation goes, I felt an emotion, I can’t really put my finger on it, what I felt as the story unfolds. I’m guessing that it is love. It took me a day to figure this out. It’s amazing what the heart feels even when the brain hasn’t processed it yet. Here is a man whom I’ve known my whole life. This man who did not play a big part in my life. A person who I see not more than ten times in a year. This person whom I rarely speak to. I felt love for him. It amazes me what the heart does.
As a child, I’ve envied friends who have close relation with their grandparents. I felt left out. Left out at having extra person to spoil me, left out on being told about on stories of the world, extra love from people other than your mum and dad. And as a child, I’d brush it off too, saying I don’t need grandparents to tell me war stories, buy snack and tit bits for me or to love me. Truth be told, I still envy them.
Thus it really is unexpected that I’d miss him out of the sudden.
When was the last time I saw him? I think maybe two or three months ago. I know we don’t talk but once in a while I’d like to visit him, see how’s he doing. I secretly have this fear that I’ll get a call from mum telling me that grandpa will be dying. The fear feels more real as time goes by. Its weird aint it? Fear of losing someone, even though we’re not close.
All in all, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I have no idea that a stranger can have this impact on a person.