Haven’t Sink In

I’ve seen the scene countless of times before in movies and dramas. I never understood and felt what they felt, I brushed it aside, saying that it was all part of acting.

To be frank, I have thought about it several times, mostly dreading that it would involve either my parents, siblings or my grandpa.

And now I am thrown into my own nightmare.

The phone call from mum left me speechless. Utterly speechless and numb. The thought never even occurred to me. That my uncle would pass away.

I am now in that scene you watch in movies and dramas. Funeral scene. It involves a lot of kow tows and kneeling. All the while, I feel numb.

I was told to be strong for my mum. And I am. I’m still trying to hold it back. I don’t care if they perceive me as cold hearted. I am here now, for the elderlies. I can grieve later, alone. When all the procedures have been completed.

I’m worried for my aunt and my cousins. Especially the younger ones. It’s sad to see that my cousin is telling me that his dad is in heaven now, having his lunch. Maybe it is s good thing too that he’s still too young to understand what had happened and what will come.

He’ll be cremated tomorrow. He is was only 55 years old.

Life is truly unpredictable.

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