Things I Do

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Coco has been anorexic for the past 2 weeks, refusing to eat anything and getting skin thin. I’ve resort to hand feeding her. A meal which usually lasts less than 5 minutes took an hour to finish. An hour of coaxing, encouragement, lots of praise and massages. Yup, she gets massages for eating. I wish I was the dog.

Well, at least she is eating. Coz that is all that matters.

Selfish

Right from the start, you promised me nothing but companionship, honesty and loyalty. The only things that I truly ever needed. These things that you are offering, it seemed so trivial. Coz I was selfish. I was selfish and I was curious. I wanted more, though I was not sure exactly what it is I wanted. Still I wanted more.

And so I gave you up.

Gave you up so I can be with the world. I was blinded by the things the world can offer. The world, it promised to give me everything. Adventures, experiences, success, fame and fortune. The possibilities are endless, there seem to be no limit.

And so I guess it’s true what they say, promises are meant to be broken. The world chewed me up and spit me out, like I was poison in its mouth. It gave nothing it promised. It toyed with me. I gained nothing apart from frustration and disappointment. And I am left with nothing. Curiosity kills the cat, ironic isn’t it? Coz I have always been afraid of cats.

You won’t know what you have until you’ve lost it.

For unknown reason, it feels like I can go back to the comfort zone you’ve laid out. You would welcome me with open arms. But what if my gut feelings are wrong? I’m too proud know the outcome. Anyhow, things will never be the same again. What then, is the point of turning back?

I wonder if I’ll ever see the end of this tunnel.

World, you’ve truly screwed me.

Wishing for the end of the world

There’s all these rumors about world ending in roughly a months’ time and I say to myself why can’t it just end already. I’m not sure whether it’s abnormal or weird for me to hope that it’ll come sooner. Just so I can finally stop living this life. Life that is plain. They say life is what you make of it. Well, I’m just a coward, hiding behind the normality and only knows to wish and wish for things to change. Sad, but it’s the truth.

And I’d be disappointed if it didn’t. I don’t think I’ll leave behind any regrets. I know there’s so much I want to do, want to achieve. But I know deep down that I will never achieve any of it. Thus, there will be no regrets.

Please please please… Let the world end soonest possible.